Switching Coats

If I had just one thing to hold onto from this year, it would be that some things actually can't be held.

The calendar doesn’t lie: The year is almost over and many of us are swapping the sunny yellows of our summer wardrobe for the darker, warmer cashmeres and wools of winter.

We’re also taking stock of what went right and what went wrong in 2011. I had a great time this year. I made some mistakes but learned some lessons, and for that I’m grateful.

If I had just one thing to hold onto from this year, it would be that some things actually can’t be held.

For instance, this year I lost a friend. In hindsight, I suppose she wasn’t much of a friend, but I thought so at the time and it didn’t feel great when things unraveled. Despite having loads of fun whenever we got together and sharing an easy camaraderie and quite a few personality traits, we had some fundamental differences in values and lifestyle that proved too strong to overcome.

At a crucial moment, I found that congenial company is not as important as my personal beliefs and consistency between those beliefs and the actions of those with whom I share time. I adopted quite a few of her ways to fit with her circle of friends. Nothing arduous, nothing damning certainly, but once the friendship ended and I went back to my old habits, I realized how out of character I’d been acting. That’s lesson one for the new year: I gotta be me, but the real me just might be the quiet type.

In the business world, it’s absolutely necessary to adopt certain behaviors to fit into a company culture or a team dynamic. Everyone does it. It’s not specific to minorities. You have to sacrifice a little of your personal spice to avoid over-seasoning a situation.

I interviewed Agilent Technologies CEO Bill Sullivan in October after watching him give a keynote at a recent event hosted by one of Diversity Executive’s sister magazines, Chief Learning Officer. I was not able to glean many details about him personally other than he was poised, patient and appeared more than willing to share the spotlight with his chief learning officer, Teresa Roche. But the message he gave during his speech — the importance of transparency, consistency and integrity when dealing with employees — remains with me months later.