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Seven Crucial Conversations That Turn Bias Into Influence
David Maxfield and Joan Reede, M.D., 09-16-2008
Is the organization where you work inclusive or intolerant? Is your work environment accepting or prejudiced? Is your leader an ally or a bigot or both? These judgments about bias have profound impacts on organizations, work teams and individual employees. And yet, few of us realize when they are being made because they are silent judgments. They're not debated or even discussed.
Amy is having lunch in the cafeteria with Josh, her manager, when Ryan, an employee from another department, joins them. As soon as Ryan sits down, Josh stops talking to Amy and begins talking exclusively to Ryan - even though the topic they are discussing is within Amy's area of expertise. Josh turns in his chair so he faces Ryan, not Amy. He ignores Amy's attempts to enter the conversation, and he answers for her when Ryan directs questions her way.
This lunchtime experience is familiar to Amy. It happens whenever a male colleague joins a conversation she's having with Josh. The first few times it happened, she hardly noticed it, but now it annoys her. She's concludes Josh doesn't respect her - probably because she's a woman.
Amy hasn't shared her concerns with Josh because they seem too nebulous, and she doesn't want to be accused of attacking him. She also doubts he could ever change. Instead, she holds in her concerns, and they fester and turn ugly. She's begun to avoid Josh, and when they do talk she's short and abrupt. This afternoon she will make a call to an executive recruiter.
Every organization and every relationship provokes concerns from time to time. That's unavoidable. But what makes Amy's concerns unique and pernicious is she can't discuss them. And if she can't discuss them, she can't solve them.
Poor Josh. He doesn't even know there is a problem. Over time he may notice Amy is less engaged at work or seems irritated about something. Or maybe he'll be blindsided when she gives notice and leaves. Either way, he'll never know it was his behavior that started the downward spiral. So he's likely to make the same mistakes with others.
Concerns that relate to inclusiveness are especially likely to become undiscussable because the stakes are so high. Many believe the only way to address them is to either "play the diversity card" or call the person a bigot - and few want to take these nuclear options. Instead, they keep their concerns to themselves. They treat them as undiscussables or as topics they can only discuss in hushed tones with like colleagues.
Many of us have each faced undiscussables in the course of our work in the diversity field. There are seven key undiscussables that have a disproportionate impact on whether a firm, a work team or an individual is judged to be prejudiced. When one of these problems occurs it is rarely confronted or discussed, and yet, each is likely to lead to judgments about intolerance and bigotry.
This finding contains an important promise: If you can identify the undiscussables, you can bring them into the open, discuss them and in many cases resolve them. In fact, we find a small minority of people in most firms are already discussing and resolving them. They speak up when others don't. They have the crucial conversations, and when they do, relationships and reputations are preserved.
The Seven Undiscussables
These seven problems are all common, significant and difficult to discuss. Some 62 percent of minorities and 53 percent of women VitalSmarts has surveyed said they experience one or more of them at least monthly. Ninety-six percent say the problems cause them to make negative judgments about respect, equity and fairness, and 53 percent say when these problems occur, no one confronts or discusses them.
1. "I know I shouldn't say this, but..." Overtly offensive actions such as inappropriate jokes, off-color comments, harassment, and sexist, racist, religiously intolerant or other bigoted actions are obvious violations of a culture of inclusiveness.
2. "I had no idea." Unconscious micro-actions that indicate bias often are revealed as micro-inequities: small, subtly challenging or disparaging messages. These messages can build up over time to create an oppressive work environment.
3. "You're just not ready." Stereotypes that patronize and suffocate can result in lower expectations, overprotection, risk aversion and failure to recognize a person's accomplishments. These stereotypes can put a person onto a slower track, one that's defined by a stereotype and prevents them from achieving the success they deserve.
4. "I always suspected you couldn't cut it." Be wary of invisible expectations of incompetence that don't show up until a problem occurs. A single setback shouldn't lead to an immediate or wholesale loss of support as if the failure has confirmed a bet.
5. "You need to be more like me." In this classic mini-me syndrome, a leader believes success requires others to be a cookie-cutter replica. Individuals who are visibly different are shunted away from risky, more rewarding opportunities.
6. "You shouldn't act like that." Be wary of verbal judgments of those who don't fit a specific stereotype. A person's actions shouldn't be labeled using a negative term that isn't used when others act similarly - for example, using the word "pushy" to describe a woman and "decisive" to describe a man who behaves the same.
7. "Tell me what your group thinks." With this perspective, a person is seen as a representative of his or her sex, race, religion, age group, etc., instead of as a professional working at the organization.
If you can discuss the undiscussables, you can often resolve them. One in 20 say, in their work environment, people are "extremely likely" to initiate frank and respectful discussions when one of the seven problems occur. While these crucial conversations don't completely eliminate the impact of the problems, they do reduce it by 47 percent. Open, respectful dialogue is a powerful corrective to concerns about respect, equity and fairness.
